day 4- Because He Lifts Me
Written by Mikayla Smith
The next day was Wednesday. Juan Daniel asked me to lead the students in spontaneous worship in the morning for their Wednesday devotional time. I did it. It was sweet, but my favorite thing was having (young lol) Dani to play guitar with me in leading everyone! I love playing with her so much. After worship, we transitioned into evangelism just similar to last year except this year, I was with Dani, Fran, Reese, Audri, and this young girl from the city, Daniella. So, we went out to the town/village/island, we walked to the end of this route and then were given instructions to follow the route back down to where we originally came
None of the interactions we had impacted me deeply—I cannot lie. There was a point though when we were praying over a woman & her mother that I became dizzy—ah! Reese (being such a great leader) suggested we our team take a rest. It was in this resting, that we met Lucia—a beautiful soul.
In talking with Lucia, she revealed to us that she was journeying from Cartagena to get meds for her husband who is battling a heart condition. After talking a bit about who she was, her husband’s situation, Lucia revealed that she is battling breast cancer. Boom. I remember feeling shocked and deeply disheartened. I thought to myself, “when we pray over her, she is going to need prayer for encouragement and joy,” so I asked her, “do you ever feel discouraged or very confident?”
She would say “yes?”
“Never.” That’s what she said.
“How could I feel discouraged when God has been lifting me up all the days of my life?”
I remember thinking, “um, because you have breast cancer.”
It was insane to hear and receive that response—something I think I will think of forever. It reminds me so much right now of ‘His Eye is on the Sparrow.’
It was through sitting though that the Lord revealed something unique to me. Last year, I could not find desire or strength to love the kids from the city. In my team though, there was this girl who was from the city who irritated me so deeply. I was carrying in a lot of bitterness and judgment from last year in my interactions with her. It was through sitting with Lucia that it dawned on me… I was that girl once.
Before I came to this island and became acquainted with its terrain, people, and culture. Before I was humbled, I was entitled, sheltered, judgmental, privileged. I still am in ways I do not know yet. How dare I cast judgment to the point of hatred.
This girl is like 12—she’s developing. I should be walking with her in her development, learning her name, her story, etc. I’ve exempted her from my presence and relationship b/c I have decided she must earn the right to be loved by me. Oof. Reese even made the point that she may feel outcasted on the island b/c there is such community. She might feel that she does not “fit.” I know that feeling so well. Wow.
I remember leaving evangelism and having such a good conversation w/ Reese. She shared that she feels convicted for the way she views evangelism. It makes her so nervous, as the grandiose act—but that is only b/c she doesn’t do it until she gets on a plane and preaches to strangers. She feels shame for even sharing that, but I believe that the gospel became important now. I had a separate convo w/ Brooke too, just talking about God gets all of the glory from our boldness to bring ppl to Christ—it’s through Him, never us. The last conversation I had was w/ a group of ppl. Tyler, Acacia I think. It’s a lot so bear with me.
When we were walking through the island, we took notice of the trash. So much trash! It embodied the word “poverty.” It is something we take notice of b/c the setting looks so different than our home in West Palm Beach. It catches our eye b/c it is so foreign to our minds. Whether it’s the government, the education system, or our community, we are constantly being told we have value. Esteem has been poured into us as individuals and as a nation. We have value, and because of that, our lives, our homes, our actions, etc. should reflect that esteem. We know who we are especially those of us who have the privilege of knowing Christ. So, imagine living in a place where the government, education system, or community do not pour into you. Imagine living in a place where you are told “you do not have as much value as others.”
Well, I believe mindset and action are closely connected. If you don’t see yourselves as valuable, you will not value yourself, community, or environment.
Which is what we see in the landscape of Tierra Bomba. The landscape may be reflective of an internal poverty mindset. Poverty can be both an explicit scene... and a people. It got me thinking about something Brooke said:
“What more can I do to help?”
I think it’s more simple than I think. All my life, the cultural investment I’ve received is called “life.” I have had life spoken over me all my life. I stumble but I know I am gifted, beautiful, intelligent and I add value to my environment. I am a byproduct of “life.” Maybe all we have to do is speak life over our brothers + sisters in Tierra Bomba. Maybe Dani hearing that she is beautiful and wise is enough. Maybe Marcel hearing that he is kind and important is enough. Maybe it’s everything? They view us as valuable. They see us as their dream. Imagine someone you admire telling you that they see value in you. It means a little more than Carol, Alex + Jackie.
Maybe I discount the power of words. After all: the word of God is salvation. It is the most powerful book I know. May I speak more life—over myself + others. And may I stay in His word so that the words I speak over others may be edifying + transformative. Amen.