Day 5- His Name Is Great –Everywhere

Written by Mikayla Smith

I want to reassure them that I’ll be back… but I don’t know that. I don’t want to tell them goodnight because I know it’s the last time. I’m so mad, God. I want to walk & talk with them through their youth. I miss them already… and I knew I would. I miss my team already. I have not gotten as close to them as I could’ve because I knew they’d leave me & I them. I want to know about them & how they think & feel… what they believe. How they truly are. I want to laugh with them and know their jokes… I want to speak their language so that I can… I’m scared to wake up tomorrow because I don’t know how much it will hurt… if it will hurt. I am also recognizing that I selfishly don’t want to share my family. I find myself jealous that my team wanted pics w/ them & are crying over them. In my mind, “they belong to me… they have my heart.” So funny. Forgive me, God. I’ll be back. I’d like to come back every year. I am so frustrated that I cannot articulate how much they mean to me. I don’t think if I had all the words I could articulate it. Maybe tonight I can figure out what to say. You’ve given me time I did not have last year. You’ve given me time. Thank you, Jesus.

Well this I’m mad b/c I wanted to write them all letters but it was too many ppl… praise God it was too many people. I always feel so rushed. Every year I wanted to hold them tighter & longer. I didn’t give them a thorough goodbye. But I come thankful b/c Alex pulled me aside & told me that if I wanted to come for however long, I have a home here. I feel so sad but I feel different than last year. I don’t feel as discouraged b/c I know I will see them again… it’s just not easy saying “see you later.” And I don’t think I wanna come back here as some missionary. I hate the dirt, I love working in music. I like being busy, yk? I want to pursue education & a career in music. I don’t see myself like stationed here for a long time… but I am also not content being confined to the annual mission trip. I don’t know.

I’ve loved this team. I love this place. And I love these people. I will miss them all over again, but I am thankful b/c that means they have a special place in my heart. Thank you, God, that I might know this island. Thank you 1000x. Reese asked me on Thursday where I’d seen God’s love on this trip. I’ve seen it in the way He accesses His people through the rest of this people. He sees His people as they find Him (they can) all around this globe. His name is great & greatly to be praised… everywhere.